Originally Posted by
sunset2000 
El C, The title of your post seems to indicate that you think you might want to stay this way and that recovery might not be for you. Do you really feel that way?
At times, yes. I just feel so low that I am not drinking for a buzz, I am using it to numb the pain and forget about my worries.
My drinking isn't a chemical dependancy issue. I do get withdrawals after sustained drinking (i.e days on end), but if I have not been drinking for a while and I have a night on the sauce I don't get any, so it's not like I hve been drinking every day for god know's when. Based on my own observations about myself I drink far more when I have a lot of stress. When I have been through periods of happiness I have not drunk, and indeed have not felt like drinking. It all comes when times are tough and then I get into a downward spiral where the booze makes the depression worse, so the following day I take a drink again to mask it out.....and this tends to go on until the daily drinking makes me feel bad, at which point I go through withdrawals and try and get on with my life again.
It's a cycle that repeats itself.
In the past three years I have had one stress after another and now I find myself in a difficult position. I suppose what in effect I am saying is that I am emotionally and physically exhausted and and having great difficulty in finding the motivtion to put down the bottle and pick up life again.