TaraD

I have been addicted to pain pills (oxycontin, hydrocodone, oxycodone, codeine – anything I could get) for years now on and off. In the last month it has gotten so much worse that I couldn’t get out of bed without taking 10-15 hydrocodone. I made a decision a few days ago I am tired of this life. I want to stop. I tried to get help but there is a 1-2 week waiting list for the only rehab in my area. I don’t have insurance or the money to see a doctor to get meds to help detox so I am about to begin detoxing at home alone. I took the last of what I had around noon and just the thought of knowing that’s it, it’s over and I have to deal with the pain is killing me. I have xanax and restoril – not enough to get me through I am sure. I have gone through detoxing before and the thought of it scares me. Especially since my addiction is that much worse this time so the withdrawls are going to be that much worse. I guess I am just looking to see if there is any advice (besides get medical help – which my only option would be to go to a hospital and say I am suicidal which right now, I am not) to get me through the next few days. I was contemplating calling my dr to see if he’ll call me in something (without an office visit) to help but he’s SO by the book that he won’t. I went through 6 months worth of refills on my pills in 1 ½ months. I don’t even know WHY the pharmacy filled them every other day? Anyway, I am just really scared now and don’t know what to do.