A most excellent post, HS, but the battle has just begun. After trudging through the mire of our minds to glean the answer to whether we are alcoholic or not, the path to how we "fix" ourselves becomes the greater challenge. Personally, I have known and accepted my alcoholism for over 20 years now and still struggle for release from its grasp. I have just discovered recently that I have not fully secured the concept that I must never drink under any circumstance. I secretly cling to the notion I like to drink and fear the fact I must let it go. On the surface, I am sober, but deep inside, I wait for the next drink because it has always come. It may have taken several months, but it always came. And when it did, I was safe and secure in the arms of my lover. But each time I gave in to the song of deception by her. And when it was over, I felt alone and ashamed. So I ran back to her.
"Come take me now, tear my soul, steal my best. Wrap me in soft arms, sing again the song, just let me rest." From the lyrics to a song I wrote over a year ago, and even though I wrote the words, sing the words, I continued to not listen. I want to listen now.
I praise you efforts and encourage to look deep for answers. Not to the define your label, but to recognize those elements that are hidden that may inhibit your recovery. I pray yours are not as deep as mine.