Powerful post, humble! In sobriety I've often asked myself the same questions. I knew something was wrong way before I actually did anything about but rationalize, deny and distort the issue. Once I was able to wrap my head and heart around it, I was able to get and stay sober.
Do check out AA. It's a good program. Don't be put off by the 12 Steps. It's just a business plan for recovery.
Rational Recovery works for me too.
I'm so happy you've made this intellectual shift.
Love,
Lenina