Thread: Meth Addict
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Old 01-06-2010, 01:39 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
alda
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Kuala Lumpur
Posts: 3
Hey all...

Oh my God..i'm very happy that i have actually got so many replies here..seriously..i feel like crying tears of hope with a sense of happiness..you guys mean alot to me..

I'm feeling very guilty now that i am still where i left behind here before..and again..falling..i have been facing alot of confusion these days that the drug has blinded my will to stay sober..i confess that i got my life back into the hole again..

I have been feeling suicidal and losing hope cause i realise that i am losing everything that means alot to me survive this life..i lost a man who loves me and that he has been there for me trying to get me out from this night mare..yet i fought him back again and again..i was always high..i was always wasted..i never did realise..and now i am involved with another guy (not sure even if we are a couple) whom with we always hang around together getting meth high and having lotsa fun..that i totally lost the connection of what my life was before..drifted away from friends and family..i'm currently broke..by end of this month i'm losing my room that i have been renting it for one year now..and i have no idea where can i find the money to sort all the dept that i have now..losing my car..my home..and what my mind ends up telling me to do is just end this..end this life..

No! I will not give up..like you guys said..no one else can saves us but ourselves..God will always be there listening to our prayers..

But there are times that ending life makes sense..but it would be fair to the people around me who cared..my family and my little cat..who is the only one next to me everytime i come home..i mean..i'm lost...

But things recently slowly comes to tie one knot at a time..then today..i stumble back here in this website..i have forgotten that i had this site saved under my favourites cause i was tyring to see if i can find any source of strenght and energy to pull through this lonely fight here alone in my room..far away from the real world that i hated..that i was trying to run away from..

Here i am..sitting infront of my comp..tears is beggining to flow on my face..help! God! Where should i go now from here? I'm scared..scared to face the day when i wake up from my rest..scared of facing this lifeless body..empty..no dirrection..no meaning..I felt this way when i woke up yesterday..i felt like my name is also gone..so i'm back to square one again..just needed meth now just to keep me going like a normal human being again..

How am i going to wake up feeling normal again..i know it'll take a very long time..and this makes me feel like there is no point to fight sometimes..i've lost everything..

So..here i would like to thank all of your post that gave me this little sense of life again..i hope to keep this in me while i stop being hypocrite..repeatingly telling myself that i will quit this..i will quit this..I want to have that strenght that whenever i say I want to quit..i want to really mean it!

Thanks again guys for all of this! I can slowly see the light that is yet far to reach to....

Please pray for me if you can? Would be much help...=)

Thanks again..

Just me,
Alda
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