Originally Posted by
daphne 
Hi there
the fear of dying should motivate me but maybe i am in denial there? Tell myself it will never be that bad and we all die sometime/how
As for AA meeting OMG never ever ever could I do that I would find it too embarassing and fear I would meet someone i know! Anyway I suppose I don't view myself as "alcoholic" but alcohol depedant . Is there a difference I think so but you may disagree?
Not sure the label addict/alcoholic is useful as associations with "illness" and disease rather than alcohol being a learned behaviour /lifestyle choice
hi daphne.....nice to meet you........hope your not snowed in too deep.
my name is shaun....im an alcoholic.
Fear of death never stopped me drinking...Not that i had alot of fear when drinking.
fear was for when i wasn't drinking.
frightened little boy when sober.........all powerful when i was drinking.
alcohol was my perception changer....wash away fear sorrow guilt and shame.
its my belief that an alcohol dependent is a physical addiction to alcohol...remove the alcohol and generally after detox the problem goes away.
body being dependent on alcohol to function.......sick when it not in the blood stream.
alcoholism is a illness of body and mind......a physical craving once drinking commences....in other words once i have one the craving get worse.......i could have 1000 and i still want more........too oblivion.
a mental obsession.......plagued by thoughts of drinking...after time i am unable to clearly bring to mind the last debacle and horrors that went with it.
i start to get romantic about it.......drinking slowly becomes an option.
coupled with an unbearable mental obssession to change my perception of life again.
i become unbearable to live with..........restless ..quick tempered....arrogant.
finally the day comes when i do it all over again.....
cant drink.........cant not drink.
alcoholism is alot about what happens when i dont drink as much as what happens when i do.
if i drink and i end up in hospital.....loose everything.......and am very sick
you would think I'm nuts if i did it again the following week right?
thats why i believe alcoholism centerers in the mind..........
desperation may get you too aa.............it did me.
there i found a sponsor....a big book......and some home truths..lol
the suggested program of action IE the 12 steps changed my whole perception of me and the world around me.
finally I'm at peace without booze.....i dont plan to drink again.
i have recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body
and life means something again.
i stand in a place of neutrality........i have no fear of it........nor do i crave it.
i have a healthy respect for it......
i wish you well........be careful if you stop abruptly......see the doc first.
if i can help in any way please pm me.
god be with you.....shaun.