I know how you feel B............mine was years ago, lost a great job........etc....etc....I now struggle a bit financially.........it sucks.........but on the other hand.......I almost got on the highway that night........something pulled me to a barren dirt road......I don't think I would be posting right now if it had been different that night.......
Maybe you are being steered in a different direction that you just cannot see now?
Hugs. I know all you are feeling, trust me......oh, except my lawyer sucked.