jacksdaughter, The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to stay busy. I have been where you are and my greatest help (along with this site)) was an addiction councilor...she really set me straight and helped me to understand what my son was up to and how very codependant I was. I always felt that my son was punishing me by staying away and then returning for more help....by then I was at my wits end. Stand strong and don't worry too much. They do have friends that you don't even know exist mom...I have learned that. It took my son 6 years of this before he is finally realizing how much he has lost. I'm around if you need a shoulder.....Smiles, Bonnie