Who or what runs your life today?
Do you derive enjoyment from it?
One of the primary symptoms of alcoholism is a denial of a problem.
Another symptom is the inability to see realistically how alcohol is affecting ones very being?
You know I read your first post and I see a great deal of myself when I was drinking, I was scared to death of not drinking because drinking was my solution for every thing!
I reached a point where my solution of drinking started to not work any more.
I drank even though I did not want to, I had to drink in order to function and through the cloud of my drinking I felt as though all was well even though things were beginning to fall apart all around me.
I wanted to quit but I could not because the world began to collapse around me as reality began to emerge from the fog of my drinking and I had no solution except alcohol to "FIX" things.
I got sober by finding a solution for life that did not involve drinking, I found that solution in AA.