Stopbingeing, I too am a total binge drinker. From the start of my drinking career, I always just loved to get totally hammered. I never understood "social" drinking, because I always thought, "Why would you only ever want ONE? What's the point?"
I drank every Friday and Saturday night for at least 10 years straight, with a period of a couple of years with the intermittent work week happy hour thrown in. I could never control what I drank once I started. Didn't want to. There might be a glimmer somewhere of a decision, somewhere around 4-5 drinks of 2.25 shots each where I'd say, "Ah, what the heck! This is so fun!" That would usually be my last conscious thought. The past 2-3 yrs. I've drank to either black out or pass out every single weekend, usually both nights, but sometimes only one.
Once I woke up with my head hanging down off the couch. It occurred to me that if I had thrown up, I would've absolutely choked to death. I played all the games the past few years too...watching the clock like a hawk before having the first one, then trying to time my drinks. One an hour, which turned into 1 every 40 minutes, which turned in to 1 every 20-30 minutes which turned into god knows what.
Over time, over a period of years, I'd say it's gotten worse. No matter what I decide at the outset of the evening, it's practically impossible for me to just even get drunk. Oh no, me? I have to drink it ALL. I have to pass out, black out.
I for one am glad to meet so many others with my pattern. I've only been stopped for 9 days (one weekend, which is the real test/trigger for me), and already in the back of my head I'm thinking, "Well, maybe by the summer time, I can maybe drink just a few?" I know in my heart of hearts that I can't. But that not so unconscious wish is there.