Hi Insideout,
I understand the struggle. It's hard to change the way we've been living for however long. Some of us have longer histories than others. Don't get down too much on yourself about all of this. My suggestion to you is to stay close to the woman who wants to help you. She may be the only one you will find who is so willing to give so much. In turn, there may be a time in the future when you can give to someone else who is in need of love.