Yes, the perspective we develop is amazing, isn't it!
I understand that you don't want to blame other people (your parents) for your problems, but, I think you can give yourself permission to feel the feelings and validate them. I have similar issues in my background, and in my recovery, I have definitely shifted my perspective. I have worked hard on forgiving, for my sake, because I was tired of carrying around the burden. But, I don't dismiss what happened when I was growing up. It's part of who I am.