Does your wife know about your situation with alcohol?
If no, tell her.
If yes, clearly she either doesn't think it's as big of a problem as it is or doesn't understand the nature of triggers when it comes to drinking.
You just can't have that crap in the house when you're trying to quit.
To your second point, I found that I was nervous/anxious because I was drinking. Granted, I'm an oddball because I enjoy giving presentations/speeches but even after a beer or five I would feel more uneasy because I wasn't sober. If you can't separate the speech/alcohol combination, it may be time for a career change for your health's sake.