Mentallyexh, your story is similar to mine. I kicked out my ex too, he was also very abusive. He tried to threaten me when he felt I was pulling away. He would stand over me in a hostile manner when I used the phone so that I couldn't talk freely, he told me that he would have my dad murdered if I went to my family for help (he knew some pretty rough and dangerous people from his use of drugs so I believed that threat).
When I kicked him out, I was blessed that he decided to move up to Scotland a 5 hour drive from me. He too was homeless and lived from sofa to sofa for up to a year. I was still very much under his thrall even though he had left. I kept regular contact, I even wrote him a letter explaining how he had a child who would come to stay weekends so that he could get a house quickly from the council. I then spent months in fear that my lie would be found out and something would happen to me. Thankfully, again, he never used the letter.
I found it difficult to let go. I knew what an unfeeling, cruel and sardonic aggressor he could be, yet I was also still drawn to him. I was suffering from a mix of traumatic bonding and 'shell shock'. Unintentionally, I frequently minimised the abuse I suffered and my mind blocked alot of it out completely, to revisit me in nightmares.
Over the months that followed, I experienced a slow turnaround. I was once again to be blessed by fate. He moved on to someone else and at first he tried to use that relationship as a weapon to hurt me. I believe that when he realised my pain was not as obvious to him or as great as he had wanted to induce he cut me off. His last act to hurt me.
Right through he consistantly accused me of throwing him out with nothing and no where to go, that I had put him in the position even worse than when he had first left home and on and on.
I honestly think he tired of me only because I was increasingly becoming distant and that he found someone else more conveniently situated to move his attentions to.
An abuser does not stop abusing. If you are lucky he will get bored and move on to someone else, if you are not, he can escalate the abuse. If you are worried about this man's temper and having a child together makes no contact that more difficult I would seriously enlist the support and guidance of a women's support shelter or equivalent in your area.
Keep moving forward, you are doing great!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxx