"Our spiritual and emotional growth in AA does not depend so deeply upon success as it does upon our failures and setbacks. If you will bear this in mind, I think that your slip will have the effect of kicking you upstairs instead of down" - As Bill Sees It
Reflections goes on to say that a relapse can provide a positive experience towards abstinence and a lifetime of recovery. It also reinforces the progressive nature of the disease.
When I relapsed I felt as you did, guilty and remorseful and ashamed. I thought about quitting AA. But the thought of drinking again and my lack of a solution brought me back into the fold of AA and my sponsor. Now I pray every morning for God to keep my sober and thank him every night.
It is working so far, but I know I am one drink away from being in oblivion again.
I can't have liquor in my house either. I wish you strength, hope and peace my friend.