Kjell

I thought I had a good plan. I thought I was farther along in sobriety (38 days at the time). I thought I was in a house with no alcohol.

I was watching my brother, home alone at my parents house on New Years. I asked them to take all the alcohol out of the house and it appeared they did just that, but of course I looked in the freezer and there was a BIG jug of vodka. I didn't even put up a fight...

I'm so tired of hurting those that love me. My Mom is so upset (b/c I drank but also b/c I spoke to a few of her neighbors...long story. I also tried to hide it, but of course I left a trail).

I was so hungover on Friday I couldn't even stand up without throwing up. I texted my sponsor b/c I was too much of a coward to call him, then turned my phone off until Saturday. Now he won't call me back (he probably came over to pick me up for our normal Sat meeting).

This is all my fault. I, of course, take full responsability.

I'm scared, I'm confused. I don't even know why I drank...it was horrible! I honestly don't know what is going on. I went today and picked up another white chip and I'll keep on fighting.

I've never felt lower in my life. I don't know what to do. I'm not in any danger of hurting myself, but I can't continue to live like this. I'm in AA, in the middle of doing 90 in 90. I pray multiple times a day, call my sponsor everyday, meet with him at least once a week, I go to IOP two nights a week. What am I doing wrong?