LadySlur,
I believe your life can be changed for the better. It won't be easy but with the proper support you can dig yourself out. But, first things first. The drinking has to stop. It's holding you in an ugly place.
Read through the posts around here. They're full of miracles. I believe there's a miracle waiting for you. It may be AA, SMART, Rational Recovery or whatever but there is hope.
My very best positive thoughts for you.
Love,
Lenina