I've pasted something I posted on another thread here because the whole gist of it is really about acceptance, and for me -- acceptance took a while but is the key to my sobriety.
"Dean -- you hit the nail on the head (bolded text above) for me. In a certain sense, I'm "done" kind of like Dee says he "*had* to be." I first came to the realization that I simply CANNOT drink like everyone else and then after a time, accepted the fact that this must be a permanent commitment on my part to remain sober.
The recovery is to keep moving forward
to grow spiritually,
to help others,
and to stay focused and positive especially when those old urges inevitably hit.
Because they will hit from time to time. We're really never done.
I was a "Member with Two Weeks or Less" for three years. Before that I don't think I'd strung together three days sober at time in 20 some years, except for my pregnancies. I attribute that now to the fact that I never really cared enough about myself. At this point I'm at about 120 days, and believe me -- I too have had those incredibly strong "I want to get drunk and fade away" moments. The thing is -- I'm tired of being sick and tired of trying all the time. And now that I've gotted this far I really don't want to screw things up.
Anyway -- I know I've blabbered a bit, but I thought that this might help somebody here who is like I was -- a chronic relapser. I'll never be cured of these damned (and damning) cravings, but I can certainly keep moving forward.
Most importantly for me-- and something that I never take for granted:
READING AND SHARING HERE is the biggest part of my recovery. I'm not an AA'er --primarily due to logistics and time -- but I do try to practice the precepts. Although I don't attend meetings, I rely on a higher power, concentrate on taking my own inventory, reach out to others, and make amends. My fellowship is here on SR, and it works for me.
Haha -- just "previewed" this post before hitting submit and it sounds like "me, me, me." I just don't know how to change it at this point and hope you all take it as it's meant -- I'm trying to work on myself and not in the spirit of selfishness.
Thanks for letting me share."