Hi niceguy
I don;t think you're a truly awful person. Truly awful people don't express remorse.
You're an addict - you made some mistakes and, if you're like me, treated some people that you loved sometimes pretty badly.
I bet you weren't always like that.I wasn't.
You can rebuild - but just focus on yourself for now. Rebuild your life from the ground up - try your best to be who you want to be...then start working on the amends.
You'll find a lot of support and experience here
Welcome to SR
D