Newbie
Hi all,
This forum looks great, glad I found it. I'm two weeks with no booze, been drinking since I was 14. Yikes, that's hard to say, I'm 44 now. That's a lot of years of drinking, and I can't help wondering if I've ever really known who I am, since that evil stuff has been a part of my life since basically childhood. I was a 'social drinker' for years, never one to drink daily or in the morning, but the past coupld of years I broke my rule of 'never have it in the house'. My parents were both terrible alcoholics, (albeit functioning professionals), and I swore I'd never get to that point, never be like them, never drink at home. My husband and I both got into a habit of buying booze a few times a week and drinking while watching movies, or just making dinner then hanging out. I noticed that the consumption was increasing, I was falling into a pattern, self loathinng in the morning, the whole shebang. The last time I drank, I realized with horror in the morning that I'd consumed nearly an entire bottle of rum the night before. I remember being a kid and looking at a nearly empty whiskey bottle my father had consumed in a night, and thinking...damn! How can ANYONE drink that much? Well, it happened to me. My husband and I had a long talk and both agreed to quit, for good. I want to find out who I am without having to rely on a substance.
I'm finding the physical cravings less bothersome than the psychological ones, but I suppose it's all connected. The little voice inside keeps trying to tell me I'll not be living, never experience fun or pleasure without booze, won't be able to function in society or have a full life. Listening to this voice, I drag it out into the light and examine it, rather than trying to ignore it. And I realize now, if I really do NEED a substance to feel fun, fulfilled, social and happy, then I don't have control over that substance. That substance has control over ME. And I don't want anything controlling me but me.
I'm hoping to be able to keep this mindset, stay on the right road, and stop and drag that voice out of the closet and into the light every time it starts yapping in my ear, because I think by letting it speak from teh shadows without acknowledging it, it gets more power.
So nice to meet you all, good luck all around and Happy New year.
Dari