Oh my gosh - I so agree! And what is sad to me is that my stbxAH was right - I wasn't any fun. In my mind it was because *someone* had to be the grown-up (and to an extent, it was true), but I was so unhappy and tense and miserable and no fun at all for my kids.
Now, without him in the picture, I am free to be silly and funny and FUN! Because my version of fun doesn't involve jokes at somebody else's expense or drinking til I pass out. It doesn't involve hostility or arguing.
Life is so good, and I am actively doing things with my kids - including horseback riding lessons - that I never would have done before. It helps so much!