Man , I am struggling through it today!! That was a toughie but I think I'm over the worst. I had to call a couple of AA No's and had a chat with them.
I think it's the age thing which I am finding so hard to come to terms with, which I think is totally rational really as when i start thinking about stuff I can come to the conclusion of wtf, what about music festivals, holidays, parties, celebrations, social gatherings? it all seems so boring and uninspiring now. I guess it's the rebel in me rebelling against all of this Recovery stuff as it's the opposite of what the rock n' roll person wants to do.
I feel in grieving, thats the only way to put it and without the 5+months of sobriety I don't think I would've have been able to get through this.
Even the thought of AA is starting to grate on me at the moment, I am tiring of having to go sit in a church (which I don't even agree with the religion) when I think people of my age should be out having a goodtime without analysing their minds so much. All of this self-analysis can get a little too much man, at times I just think WTF is all of this about? Drinking ultimately would turn nasty and AA would have well and truly have wrecked any last fun out of drinking! LOL, B*stards! LOL.
I guess it's the time of year but I guess how many others would sacrifice drinking at 23? The trouble with staying away from the first drink at all costs when still young is that you can't go to places where all others who you want to be meeting (ie- not alclholics 25+ years older) go to. It is easy to wonder wtf it's all about and I can depressed about all of this now.
I am going to stay sober through it all though but thats not to say that I have had a better xmas than if drinking, sure everythings civil and very respectable and no hangover/anxiety/guilt etcetc but for god sakes i just want some fun back again.
The trouble is also is that I never had much in common with non-drinkers/druggers as I always had stuff in common with more of the partyer types, It's all getting a little bit to mnuch of a mind-f*ck at the moment tbh.
I just feel like all my excitement and buzz/zest for upcomings events has just totally diminished.
Still sober though which i guess when it's all over I will be gratefull for but at times I think whats the point. I dunno I'm just getting really confused again.