but thats the thing I dont get Trish (you know I love you girl, thanks for putting up with my questions!). Fact: you KNOW using is bad. Fact: you have made up your mind never to use again
so when those cravings hit, do you really forget all of that? have you read the story I was talking about, or any of the AA book? Cause it trips me out when I read the stories in there, and they match all the stuff going on in real life with the people I know and love.
The only weakness in me that I sense as far as using, is if it ever happens again where I am hurt bad. If I ever have to bury someone I love too young again, and it hurts the way I know it will, I worry then. But I cant even imagine picking up just because I say fck it, or because I think I can control myself, or because I think it will be fun.
By the way, every day I dont drink or use I get a little farther away from the fear of picking up in grief. I have so many really good friends in recovery to see me through, and my HP works miracles in my life when I need them, so I am hopeful I will get to live and die sober. Of course if I could go the rest of my days without burying anyone too young, that would be cool too.