Dust settles
I know we have all felt like this.
As time goes by from your last use. You feel like you can handle it again on your own. Going on living like you did before.
Thinking many different things like, Maybe I am not that bad, cuase look, I stopped for this long. Or I can stop this time without going to meetings or working a program.
You know what I mean? Just that sense of forgetting the misery after time has passed. And since you not in the crisis of the using anymore, you feel like maybe you dont need to do any work for recovery. Thinking its as simple as just not wanting to use and thats it.
Thats the kind of thinking that has had me in this endless, BS cycle for so many years.
After the dust settles and it all seems ok again.
And its even harder for me this time because I am trying to get into an intensive long term program and its been a month so far that I have been waiting. So that makes my mind def think that I should just forget about it and just carry on.
BUT!!! I am not going to be that stupid this time.
I ahve had to seriously ask myself..." Would I use right now if it was right in front of me?" And honestly the answer is hell yea I would.
So that right there is enough for me to remember the misery of the last use and all those years of crap I put myself in.
Until that obsession is gone. I will never be safe to go it alone. To think its going to be ok now just because its all settled down now.
I am not a psychic. I dont know what tomorrow will bring. Just because the temptation isnt here today, doesnt mean it wont be tomorrow or the next day.
And I need to be armed and ready for whenever that situation may present itself.
Just thinking out loud. Bceause every holiday I usually do spend it like I should for the day. But when its all over and we all go home. I usually go get high as hell.
Not this year. And never again.