sunshinebaby

This may be a long post, I am writing it to myself but I would love you to read also...

My previous post stated that from Jan 1, I was stopping all alcohol. Well I am bringing that day forward to tommorrow. 27th Dec. My sons birthday. I've already had a glass of wine this afternoon, so todays out, but tommorrow it is!

I am so excited, I feel like I am going on a big trip, or doing something so wonderful and exciting that I am really looking forward to it.

Alcohol has been a part of my life since I was 16 and got drunk (on a thimble full) of green ginger wine at my formal. Then proceeded to kiss all the boys!

Ever since then I have always drank, but never as much as I have done in the last few years. I drink more nights than I used to.

I don't consider myself an alcoholic, I am a binge drinker. Is there a difference? I can happily go days without wanting to drink, like two weeks ago when I didn't drink for 7 days after a birthday party we went to.

I stopped drinking completely when trying to conceive our 3 kids, didn't drink when pregnant, or for the 14 months I breastfed each of them. See I CAN stop.

Why I think I have a problem is that when I drink I binge. I will have 4 or 5 drinks, consisting of a couple of wines then some mixer drinks. I only ever drink at home.

I want to stop for the following reasons:

- I worry what it is doing to my health - apart from feeling like crap, being tired, headachey, putting on weight etc I hate thinking about the things I can't see.

- I want to stop for my children, I don't want them seeing me drinking - although I don't get drunk in front of them...never. But they know I like my glass of wine.

- I want to save money

- I want to get fit again, two years ago when I went on a health kick, I felt fantastic, I felt empowered and because I wasn't drinking (much) I also looked after other things - what I ate, and my exercise.

- The last few months I just haven't cared, so I havent' exercised.

- I want to feel empowered, I hate that I have to think about this, that it doesn't come natural to me, that I need to be a part of this forum ( although I feel blessed that I am)

- I want to be in control of my life, and enjoy every little thing..

- I am an educated, intelligent woman who has travelled through America alone, and was a state champion ballroom and latin dancer, I have accomplished alot of things, so this will not get me...

- I am sick of hearing about and reading about my close friends weekend parties where they all drink...its a fact of life for them, their photos on facebook of them drinking....I don't want to be like that.

- I have so much to do, my guitar, my children, my family, my farm and our new house we are building...I can't remember the last time my husband and I sat and played a board game like we used to.

- I am just so sick of drinking. I want to be powerful, I want to say to someone "I don't drink" and feel like it is a normal thing to say.

The thing that relaxes me is on the weekends, I love watching movies and I always drink, the two go hand in hand. I am scared how I will relax without drinking.....

So there you have it, a bit more about me.....