Dreams Checking In
Hi All!
I am still here, still not in recovery but I have a new plan and PLEASE do not think (and being down this road before) I know that majority of you wort think that the support you all gave me the other day when I tried to quit and failed was a waste of your tikme. I am going to have another day 1 tomorrow (too loate today) but I am serious.
I got completely honest with my husband about the AMOUNT of alcohol and the needles again and he was furious about that. I wrote him a long letter last nate and he seems to be on board. I am going to miss Christmas with the family this year, today was at our house with our daughter, and later he will be leaving with my 3 year old to go to S.C. to my inlaws (who I adore) and I will get 2 days to kick and go to NA.
This has to be the way, I tried it my way again, this time and failed by 5 PM and 11 AM on the injections when I really did just come across a brand new rig when cleaning that morning and it was off to the races, I had the stuff to put in it so my mind went blank and I just did it.
I KNOW beyone a shadow of a doubt that I wont make it until next Christmas if I continue like this. I have been getting really sloppy with the needles when before I was the sterile queen, now I drop on eon e the bathroom floor and go about my business, b/c you know I cant aford the extra 2 seconds it takes to clean it and myself off. I CAN NOT jeopardize myself but even more my 3 year old and husband like this, they are not making these decisions, I am.
So I will be around a lot over those couple days b/c it will be every NA maybe even AA meeting I can find and then SR in between.
I know I can do it ot even more I REALLY HAVE TO!
Thank you all again for your suppot please know I wasnt playing games or gave it a half hearted attempt, I really think I gave it my best and if that was my best I need a lot more support and a plan and a program NOW.
THank you,
Dreams (Still)