Originally Posted by MrsMagoo

Hi there. Merry Christmas.

My husband has been an addict all his life. When I met him, he had substantial clean time and was a substance abuse counselor. He relapsed. Several times. Finally, this past July, after multiple detoxes and treatment centers over the past two years, I told him to leave and never to come back. Life had been unmanagable for a very long time and I was weary of it and constantly living in fear.

He left. For the street. He was homeless (literally sleeping in his truck) for several months, binging on drugs and drinking. He finally found his way to a homeless shelter and lived in one of those for several months. In the shelter, amazingly enough, he got clean and found a transitional living facility for homeless veterans. He had to give clean urinanyliss for a month before they would take him and now he's going to be there for 12 to 18 months. He can stay as long as 2 years which he needs to do.

Statistically a person doesn't stop thinking like an addict for 18 mo. to 2 years. Post acute withdrawals.

The way I got through the madness was to stay very busy like you are. I threw myself into Celebrate Recovery, friends, family, work, etc. to keep my brain occupied and to quit worrying about whether my husband was dead in a crack house or dead in a ditch or behaving like a criminal to support his habit. He was in the same town. People I knew saw him and said he looked homeless and like an addict and oh my gosh, my stomach would knot up and I had to fight the urge so many times to charge in, rescue him and save the day.

I had to release him to God's care. Seriously. I would picture myself carrying him in my arms like a child and placing him at God's feet and walking away. I did this ALOT. I had to realize that what I had been doing in the past, cushioning his fall, was not helping him or me. I always gave him a soft place to land because I was the loving supportive wife. Letting him be homeless has been the hardest and most painful thing I have ever done. People on SR kept telling me to get out of the way and let the process work itself out and I refused to do it any way but my way and it bit me in the butt every time.

They were right. It's not about lack of love on the addicts part. They can't just stop and they can't care about anything but getting high until the high isn't enough for them anymore. It doesn't do the trick anymore and they are as miserable high as they are not being high. When they have had enough, they will stop (or die using). All you can do right now is take care of yourself. Love yourself enough to prepare to move forward with your life. Try not to feel guilty - be glad that you aren't an addict and that you DO have the ability to control your life and be successful. If he gets clean, he will most likely find you. If he gets in a program and works his steps, he may only reach you to make amends for the harm he's done. It's all a part of the healing process (for both of you).

Put one foot in front of the other every day and it will get easier. We have triggers too....a song, a place, maybe a certain food or movie. When you get triggered, feel what you need to feel and put one foot in front of the other again. Keep moving and don't get stuck like he is. Keep moving, keep living and live well - without guilt. That's the hardest part.