The fact that you're here, asking questions and sharing your fears is a sign that you want to do something for yourself, you're just not sure yet what that might be. Two years ago this month I admitted out loud to myself and my doctor that I wanted to stop drinking. I'm still trying. I've had some good sobriety for months but sabotaged my own well being several times. I'm starting again and am determined to make it this time. I do'nt want to go "back there" cause of the 'yets' I've never had. I'm afraid that if I go back to drinking again I won't have any more recovery left in me. That scares the hell out of me.
I've got kids and grandkids I'd like to be here for. Not to mention my beloved dogs...
Try making two lists: one for the positives about drinking and one for the negatives, whether they've happened to you yet or not. I did that and my negative list had way more on it than the positive. And the positive had very little.
Try quitting for a month and see how you feel about it, both during and after.
Welcome to SR! (((hugs)))