Thank you all so much for your kind responses
I have been contemplating moving out for the past 3 or 4 months. I got to a point, I think in September, where I had enough and left for a week. I told him I would only come back if he was willing to start treatment. He did start a once per week group therapy and went to one AA meeting. He didn't make it without a drink for longer than 10 days... the next couple of months were off and on the wagon ("sober" never longer than 13 days). I had told myself when I got back that I would hang in there until January to figure out whether I should stay or leave. The past month has been worse than ever - I have been enforcing my boundaries - and as a result he is now being charged with domestic violence - he still keeps drinking - and for the past couple of weeks everything inside of me screams to RUN (but then there is this tiny part in me that is still holding on). I have a huge abandonment issue (I stayed with my last exbf for another 1 1/2 !!! after I knew our relationship was over - this wasn't an abusive relationship though). I'm at the point where I know I need to, and I want to move out, but I still don't want to lose him. I was thinking about temporarily (1 -2 months) moving out - to give me some time to work on myself and see if he wants to work on himself. Then I/ we can reevaluate the situation (if he is seeking treatment then we could start working on our marriage, if not I would need to move on). Do you think that is a realistic plan or does this usually not work? It is just so damn hard to do that right now with all the holidays (and birthday and anniversary at the end of the month)... on the other side I feel if I don't do it now my anger might subside and I might get drawn back into fantasy world. I guess I need to sleep on it some more.
I wasn't planning on giving AH today... I mainly wrote it for myself, because I was really sad last night! I do think that I would give him the letter if I decide to move out though... I am not trying to accomplish anything with it... As I said, I have come to realize and accept that nothing I do will get and keep him sober (looking back now, I had left the first time to manipulate him into seeking treatment, all the other notes I wrote him were to get him to realize that he needs to get sober.... not this time... I am doing this for me ... maybe to be able to forgive him and myself for what has happened between us). I think I just want to express how I feel... whether he will understand or not doesn't matter!