Scared and in need of help...
After spending several hours reading various posts on this site, I have come to be very scared and confused. I almost hesitate to share my story because I suspect I don't have anything new to say that the group hasn't already heard.
I'm stuck in that rock and a hard place in my mind where I know I should quit drinking, but I'm not quite sure I to "want" to or "have" to. Is that terrible to say? Should I not be here or seek help through these forums until I'm SURE I'm ready?
I know this has been asked a million times, but how do you know when you really need to quit, or if there is still some way you can control it? While I haven't lost everything, totaled any cars, gone to jail or woken up with the shakes or DTs, I am starting to suspect that my excessive drinking is causing me problems in the bigger scheme of things: like financial, goal-reaching, self control and self esteem issues. I'm starting to feel guilt and shame regarding my inability to stop or control how much I drink now and I've never felt that way before. And what if I try and can't stop? What then?
I feel like I could really use some help figuring it out, but I'm not sure if I'm in the right place. But the anxiety from just writing this post makes me want to buy a bottle of wine, when I said I wasn't going to drink today. That can't be good and scares the hell out of me.