"he never dealt with and once he delt with that he was able to recover,"
Well I feel like that was/is a big part of recovery. Do you know exactly how he did it? Like was it psychiatric counseling? The reason I ask is that if he by chance did it through AA or something he might be a really good guide for you.
At any rate I'm 100% sure that if you don't limit yourself and keep seeking out a sponsor that fits you, you will find one. Sometimes the best fit may be the one you dislike the most however. So the story goes. So maybe keep that in mind.
I've heard of some women having men sponsors.
Here's one:
Karen G
She's pretty funny too.