I, too, agree with ((Cynical)). I'm an RA and it wasn't that I stopped loving anyone...I just didn't think about anything but using. My DOC was crack. I can't tell you how many times I'd think about how I was hurting my family, and my answer was....hit the crack pipe and forget. Every time I did something that I knew would cause a bad consequence? I'd tell myself "I'll deal with it later...when I'm clean" and hit the crack pipe.
I left my XABF because he wouldn't stop using. I just found out, this week, that he died earlier this month....in a crack house. Yes, I'm very hurt and sad. I haven't seen him since his mom's funeral, almost 2 years ago, but I had written to him when he was in jail, mainly to tell him how well I was doing, hoping that it would spark him to do something with his life (wishful thinking). I know, in my heart that he loved me, he just couldn't love me the way I needed him to love me. I also know that we couldn't be together...he chose drugs and I chose life.
The pain? It takes a while, but as time goes by and we focus on moving on with our lives, those gut-wrenching days get farther and farther apart.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy