Lotus2009

Hi all,

it's been a very challenging month and I am getting closer and closer to wanting to leave AH. I decided to write a goodbye letter to AH today to process my feelings a bit... I am not even sure yet if I will actually get it all together to be able to "jump off the ship" with some of you, but this is what I would want AH to know if I did:


Let me start off by saying that I love you and that I wish things were different! I had a great time going to dinner with you the other night… it was nice to flee reality for a moment and see us as the happy couple, I always dreamt of, having dinner with friends. Unfortunately it was nothing more than a fantasy – in reality we are not a happy couple - our marriage is damaged and we are both miserable!

I have given everything I had to give to fight your battle against alcoholism and to keep this marriage going. I have finally come to realize that all this time I was fighting a battle I was bound to lose. All this time I was fighting for you, while you were fighting against me. It was a battle I was bound to lose, because no one but you will ever be able to win this battle! Now I am standing here, hurt, angry, resentful, frustrated, and depressed and I realize that I need to fight my own battle – I need to fight to survive!

I feel as if I’m on a sinking ship and if I stay on board, I will drown – drown in all the tears I cry, drown in my own bitterness and anger, drown in depression – so I need to jump off the ship and swim to safety, to serenity, to happiness!

You have made your choice – you decided that alcohol is the most important part of your life – you have chosen alcohol over your marriage, over your family, over your health, over your life! While I am upset and hurt that you made this choice, I realize that I need to leave the decision of how YOU want to live YOUR life up to you! As for me, I know I need to make the choice to leave, as I can no longer watch you drink yourself to death, as I can no longer bear to live a miserable life full of abusive/ destructive behaviors. I need to leave you in order to be fine. I hope that one day you will realize how much alcohol has taken from you, I hope one day you will realize how much hurt and pain alcohol has caused you and others in your life, I hope one day you will finally want sobriety more than anything else in your life, and I hope the realization comes before alcohol takes your life!



Thanks for letting me post this. Any feedback on what you notice (i.e. codie behavior, blaming, etc.) in this letter would be appreciated!!!