no fighting
thanks for everyone's advice. i appreciate both 'momentary' solutions like the drinking tea thing and 'long term' solutions like working the program. at the time i wrote my post i was actually needing something like the tea drinking comment. i think we're all aware that we need to work the program steve0. we probably wouldn' have made it to the point of searching for help on the internet if we weren't. i currently am working through the 12 steps and there is nothing in them aside from prayer (which i believe only works some people) that can aleviate the chemical withdrawal one feels in the first weeks of recovery. i've found that the only thing that helps slightly curb the 'need' to drink alcohol is drinking something else....and lots of it. i just so happened to pick gatorade and monster energy drinks. they're both something of a shock to the system taste wise which is what i was going for. they sure as hell don't get me drunk but they do kind of jolt my system. any way you slice it, the first days and weeks of recovery suck. i'm edgy, irritated, jittery, miserable and generally just a little hazy. i've noticed that there are gaps in my memory which is scaring the sh*t out of me. for instance, when i left for work this morning i have no memory of kissing my wife goodbye but she assures me that i did. i don't even remember getting in my car. is it possible to drink away your short term memory? i'm starting to wonder. to make matters worse, i got a call from somebody who left a voice mail saying, "you're grandma is waiting to be picked up at your mother's house whenever you're ready". all of my grandparents have been dead for quite some time. obviously probably just a wrong number but it freaked me out and i damn near had a panic attack. i had to verbally remind myself to breathe. paranoia....that's another joy (at least for me) of early withdrawal. i almost had 60 days clean before my last relapse. i was doing so well. starting over sucks. all the old alcholic thoughts are back. trying to block them out is a 24 hour struggle. 60 days seems completely unatainable now. stupid me!