hi silkspin,
when i was wondering about my current bf and his drinking my therapist told me it was not about drink but about BEHAVIOR.. and I needed to know what bothered ME and place boundaries and have them respected...
tonight my bf will go with his friends and drink.. he will arrive home.. and i started to get anxious about how drunk he will arrive.. and how horney... but then i remember i got boundaries
if he is quiet and treats me as usual i got no problem
if he gets noisy i will take a deep breath, and put on earplugs.
if he is a jerk when drunk i will ask him to sleep in a different room.
if he gets horney i will say no once. if he insists he is out of my apartment.
so knowing this I am more at ease because I know what I will do. perhaps you can create a similar plan that works for you.. HUGS