View Single Post
Old 12-17-2009, 09:58 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Helenlee
Member
 
Helenlee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 197
I don't have much experience with the theory but I do have a few life miles under my belt, so I'll share what I think. I have read some of the most popular books, but a long time ago.

I'm going to guess that detachment does not equal acceptance. For example: I might not accept that what your saying is functional, fair reasonable or kind BUT I understand that you & I are separate people, not 2 parts of a whole. I am whole myself, not an attachment of yours. That is, I'm detached What you say is your responsibility, how I react is my responsibility.

Modeling healthy behaviour for our children is probably the most important thing we do in our lives. Healthy behaviour depends on having healthy boundaries. So if Mum is staying with Dad (& vice versa) & is constantly violating her/his own boundaries by doing so, it's demonstrating to the kids that it's OK to stay in unsafe/unhealthy/unpleasant situations.

Children very much learn what they live. I learned the hard way that no matter how open & honest & supportive the functional parent is, staying in an unhappy/unsatisfactory/unsafe environment speaks far far louder than any words. If you think you know what pain is now, wait till you're watching the consequences of staying unfold when your kids hit puberty. Better still - don't. Leave now & take my word for it you've missed years & years of horrifying experiences.

I wish you & your children & your husband all the very best, especially over the coming Christmas Season.
Helenlee is offline