Hello Stayinfree! You know what hurts you, you know where the way out is, you can stay sober during rather long periods of time. So, you have everything to win in that battle.
I do not know if my piece of advice is any good for you. But, when being sober, you start thinking of a drink - perhaps a thought comes that "just a little drink is not bad for me"? You just have to stop at this point. Because you know: one little drink always leads to another, and then to one more, and more...
You must decide once and for all that alcohol does not exist for you. And never lie to yourself that "a little is not bad"...