Mtnmagic, I think your first and most important task now is to pass the detox. To live through it and keep away from drinking during these very hard days when it hurts both mind and body. I wish you win in that struggle. You say that drugs (meds ?) do not help you. Try drinking more water, add some lemon juice to it. Try to wash out the toxins. Try using vitamins (not much, just the usual recommended dosages). When people drink they lose a lot of vitamins, and the system stops working properly because of this, too.
You have to clear your system off alcohol. Then, when you are absolutely sober, you will face the second most important task - not to start drinking again. And the only right choice here is the decision to forget about alcohol. It must die for you. For ever. Like a person who made you suffer long time ago, and you do not want to see him any more.
You must realize once and for all that alcohol just does not exist in the world. Not a single drop. Be strong!