Originally Posted by
coffeedrinker 
some of us were made to feel, from a very young age, that what WE want or need isn't important, that someone else's wants and needs take priority. they might not have said it, but it is what we heard. we have been putting our SELVES on the back burner our whole life.
this is so true for me. its like i've been locked away inside of me all of my life but it feels so good to know that its ok to be me.
tell your boyfriend that a restraining order is a good idea. i've had a standing order for yrs now besides he knows I WILL NOT allow him to even come my way if i say he can't. as for the kids, i can always take them to him at his mom's but they don't seem to ever want to go. they are not all that close to his side of the family and i dont push the issue.
i really don't want to talk to him about anything other than maybe the weather or maybe the kids. i think its forgiveness but i haven't forgot how he left us yrs ago. he thought we were down for the count, to the point of no return, i guess.
he destroyed the car, we had absolutely no food, utilities being shut off, being evicted, no money and me disabled, (domestic violence),i believe, due to one of his drug induced rages. he left, looked back, laughed and said he didn't want to have anything else to do with me or the kids. i will never forget that day even though its not the first time that happened. him knowing that we did get through all of that, by the grace of god, makes me so grateful that he's not god. i really don't feel i owe him no explanations.
i know i must sound like a total fool going through all of that but i was so sick, i didn't realize just how bad it was until i was able to be away from it for awhile. i won't allow myself to dwell on regrets because i've learned a valuable lesson. i may not know what i want in a relationship but i sure as heck know what i don't want or except. i matter to me. i guess i needed to get all of that out, sorry.