A long-time girlfriend of an alcoholic once explained to me why she finally chose to leave the man she still felt love for. She too had four kids (two girls, two boys) and said, "By staying, I was teaching my girls to grow up to be women who are willing to suffer lives of control and abuse, and I was teaching my boys to grow up to be men who bully, abuse, and drink -- because they saw that that kind of man got rewarded in my life."
You are teaching your children what kind of adults to be, right now. You can visit the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum (right below this one) if you'd like to see how those kids turn out as adults. I'm one of them, and have never forgiven my mother for it.
Your beloved abuses you, controls you, and puts you in danger...and thinks it's funny. I find that all very disturbing, though you are probably so used to it, you can't see how terrible it is.
I hope you will investigate Al-Anon meetings and also perhaps personal counseling, to sort out what you really feel, what you really want out of life, and how to move ahead somehow. Those things saved my life.
Hugs,
GL