He's told me himself that he will not go to AA (he says it too religion based for him) and he will not go see his Dr for advice. He says he can quit on his own, or control the drinking.
All classic signs of an alcoholic who is nowhere near ready to give up drinking.
He may never give up.
The way I make these kinds of tough decisions is I base them on the here and now today reality.
Can I accept this person just exactly the way they are today? Can I accept the influence he/she is having on my life and my children?
And when dealing with an alcoholic even though you don't want to awfulize the future- but as Shakespeare said "Past is prologue." It's only going to get worse. An alcoholic does not have the ability to control their drinking. It will be hidden, lied about, denied, but it will always always get worse until they choose recovery. And an alcoholic in recovery is whole different animal - it is a huge thing for them to go through, they really change - they don't know who they are becoming as their sober selves and we can't predict either....but I know very well the fantasy I have about the alcoholics I love who minus their drinking behavior would be just great and the best people on earth! But that's just not reality. There aren't two people in one - just the one whole person, who if they are an active alcoholic will often play 2 sides of themselves to keep us hooked into them and their nonsense. In other words - the alcoholic in recovery may bear little or no resemblance to the sober drunk.
I try to look at how much I love my partner's behavior. Does he do things I love? That are healthy and positive and that further the relationship? Is he growing as a human being or stuck on a merry-go-round?
But MORE, much more than that I need to look at myself and my own heart. Who am I? What do I want out of my one precious life? When I am taking my last breath will I have regrets about how I spent my days or regrets about how I taught my children to live or raised them? Do my goals and dreams occupy my thoughts? Or do I fill my mind with the troubles of others?
Focus on you and everything becomes pretty clear.
And if focusing on you feels strange and leaves you with a kind of blank mind - well welcome to codependence!! But fear not, there is a way out! Keep focusing on you!
peace-
b