thank you winnie, i know i don't feel remorseful for anything concerning my ah, i feel as if i did all i could and for as long as i could(21yrs) to be there for him. i guess i maybe feeling guilty for not being able to except those things that i've excepted in the past. i still have a lot of me to work on, i think in the past i allowed that guilt to control my decisions, it was a norm for me but today its like i'm feeling guilty for not wanting to allow myself to be that way anymore, not planning on it either.
someone said earlier that maybe its growing pains. i sure hope i'm out-growing my normal actions, making the decisions that i feel others expect of me whether its best for me or not. i keep reminding myself that its not my fault so i have nothing to feel guilty about. that i have to look out for my own well being because he surely won't. its all about him with him, forget what i want, feel or think. hope this makes sense.
i thank all of you who shared your strength, i really have been doing a lot of think about what you guys are saying. i feel as if i have a long long way to go but i thank my hp that i'm not as bad off as i was.