Originally Posted by
Elsie 
I think that I'm in love with the man I know he's
capable of being, but I'm not sure if I'll ever see him.
You hit the nail on the head Elsie. You love his "potential" but not who he is right at this moment, both when he is sober and when he is drunk/mean/abusive.
This is from a classic reading post:
We ALL have the potential to be many things. It is WHO we ARE TODAY that needs to be acknowledged. Do you love who he is TODAY?, because that is the only person you can be absolutely sure he is willing to be and that may be who you will be trying to "love" forever."
With regards to your children, (and this is JMO), I think it is sad to think of children growing up seeing what they are seeing. My daughter is what made me leave my X-husband; I couldn't stand the idea of her growing up to think that the way he treated me and the way he behaved was a normal behavior for a man. Also, I imagined HER being an adult and being in an abusive relationship with an addict and it broke my heart. I HAD to go.
As for staying vs. leaving, you'll make that decision when you're ready. Your recent posts show that you're doing a lot of thinking and discovering lately. Give yourself some time. HP will show you the way.
As for the ultimatum...I wouldn't, but again, this is just me. An ultimatum feels too much like an attempt at controlling his behavior, when it's clear you have no control over his addiction. Focus on yourself instead. Focus on what makes you or would make you happy.