I too understand the whole financial thing. I eventually ended up having to declare bankruptcy due to some medical bills (drug related) but mostly from cash advances run up on multiple credit cards to support my habbit. My job sucked, I was only bringing home about 25k/yr and spending over $1000/mo on my "habbit". You do the math....it just doesn't work out.
Now that I have quit and am clean, I've got a better job, make more money, and am saving, well, about $1000/mo. on top of that!! I too have a bit of a drive for my job, but, while I hate the gas money and wear and tear on my car, I find that the extra time on the road kinda helps me "stay out of trouble", if you know what I mean.
Everything is not grand. I still am 41, shacking up with my parents, though I am very lucky to have that option. My life is pretty boring, work, a bit of TV at night and an hour or two here. Lonely at times. I miss my wife (lost her going through all this mess, but still love her with all my heart), but don't really have any desire to meet anyone else at this time. But the biggest difference is that I can see a future that just wasn't there before. Before my number 1 concern every day was how I was going to get and stay high that day, now I can see the whole world out there. Totally worth it.
Sounds like you are mostly in a bit of a funk, which I'm sure you know will pass. You've been around here a little bit, so you know the deal. Sometimes it's just nice to have a place to vent a bit and get a little support. Hope you get to feeling better. Take care.