First, and this is meant to encourage the help and input of others like me who have aging eyes and don't read on the screen so well -- please try to break up your long posts into paragraphs, double spacing after every sentence if necessary. I'm sure there are folks like me who have a hard time keeping the words from running together and pass on by a long post rather than read it.
Second, why can't you talk with your doctor? Are you concerned that she or he will cut off your supply? Because if you really want to stop using, that's not a bad thing.
Third, this obsession to use, even at the risk of your marriage and your ability to be a mother to your daughter, is part of addiction. It's why we have such a hard time doing this alone. When we're alone, we're alone with the obsession, and the obsession is stronger than we are.
I saw your post asking for NA members in your area. How about just going? If you went to meetings before, you're likely to find some of those same people still there.
Peace & Love,
Sugah