Thanks for the responses everyone, I actually went away for the weekend with my husband and spent some much needed time with my daughter who lives away at college right now. It does my heart good to see the 'normal' child and spend some 'normal' time with her. I do try hard to count the blessings I do have in my life and not guage my own life by the bad choices AS makes. I have pretty much threw up my hands and work every single day to give him up to his HP and stay within my own hula hoop (I love that). I think that is why I was second guessing keeping his debit card for him, but I really do need to make sure these student loan payments are made, so for now I will do it. He actually told me to take it with me when I left for the weekend and from what I can tell, he spent the weekend at home and no sign of any using at all. I tend to feel bad for him because he really has no 'clean' friends to speak of...one or two who are like him in that they are 'clean' most of the time, but you just never know when they are going to flip. He recognizes that he needs to isolate himself from these people, whether he keeps it up is anyones guess.
He has an appointment at a Gateway Rehab (outpatient) today, a job interview tomorrow. He did lose his job btw, passed the drug test but they let him go anyway. That has been the hardest thing for me to get past actually. I had really thought when he got this job and actually made enough money to get out of the house and build a productive life, that was what was going to happen. I guess if you want to hear God laugh you can tell him your plans right? Doing better today at not thinking I know more than his HP where he needs to be right now and separating his failings from my own. I do still pray everyday that he finds his way, but know that HP's way probably isn't the same as mine...dang it..lol
So just for today I am at peace, reminding myself that I am blessed in many ways, and making plans to attend my daughters College Graduation on Saturday and looking forward to her moving home soon.
ps: I don't see the 'thank you' on the posts anymore, but please know that I appreciate each and every response.