Originally Posted by
coffeedrinker 
teke,
one of your original questions was WHY are you this way? i, too, am a very compassionate person, easy to forgive, and loving to pretty much all people. but i think at the root of how i get with my man, even when he has wronged me, is that my need to be loved is so strong, it trumps everything else. perhaps you too have this tremendous need in yourself - we sometimes let people treat us badly because it is so hard to put up a boundary. because if we put up a boundary, then we might hurt their feelings, or we might feel like we are being "mean". i think, for me anyway, it's always about "but will he be MAD at me? i just wanna be liked!" i know it's pathetic, but that's what i got when i was brutally honest with myself
i personally like the idea of a short, gentle but to-the-point letter saying that when you said you were done, you actually meant it. good luck
i've read this and re-read this over and over, i see a lot of truth in what you are saying but i can't seem to put my finger on just what it is. i know that i don't want to feel like i'm hurting someone's feelings but i'm not worried about my ah being mad at me. i do get concerned when i think i've made someone other than him mad.
i feel like i want to "matter" rather than be loved or liked. i takes a long time for me to set boundaries and in the past, i caved so many times until i just don't think ah is taking me serious, even after 2yrs.
he wrote yet another letter with a self address envelope then called to see if i got it yet. don't know how he called, it wasn't a collect call. i told him again that i don't want to go through all of that again and that i don't think i'll be writing. seems as if he's not hearing me or just not paying me any attention.
the hard part about all of this now is that we have 2 kids together and i kind of hate to tell him not to call at all, because of the kids, especially since i don't feel the same way about him or this relationship that i use to. until now, it was no contact and i believe i have worked through most of that pain. i sure hope i'm not in denial here. i honestly don't think so but then again most people in denial don't think they are either. right?