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Old 12-12-2009, 11:03 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
CrackQuack
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
HELLO! Welcome to SR! I am so happy you've found us! We ALL understand what you are going through and what addiction is like! Unfortunately, yes, we are not your boyfriend, but hopefully, as he journeys with you, he'll learn more and maybe get a grasp. Maybe not. I doubt ANYONE, who has never truly been an addict, can completely understand those of us who are. And I know that I would hope they NEVER DO!
I hope that SR can bring the support and understanding you need! We can't replace the boyfriend, but maybe we can be a good "stand in"???
My boyfriend, too, is a non-addict. I can't call him normal. Not with his weird obsession with the 60's and 70's, as well as cars! hahaha.. But he's never been addicted to drugs or alcohol. When he was in his 20's he tried smoking cocaine (wasn't called crack then), my drug of choice. He told me he hated the buzz and didn't like it at all. He did his fair share of drugs in his late teens and early 20's, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING like what I did, as an active addict to crack cocaine. He went to work his schedule. Never got high while at work. Went out on Fridays and Saturday nights with his friends and had the bonfire parties.. Junk like that. What I call the teeny bobber parties, LOL. But he never got hooked on anything. He can take or leave it all and, these days, he'll sip on a beer with his dinner, but that's as far as he goes. Says it's not worth risking his house, cars, and other worldly goods, plus having a criminal record, to get high. Must be nice. I gave my all to get high on crack. Now, I give my all to stay clean. More than 10 months later! YEAH!!!!
Anyway, my boyfriend doesn't completely get it either. And I really hope he doesn't. It's kind of like losing a loved one to suicide. No one can understand the pain and torment. The questions and the lack of answers. The blight on your family. The stigma. And the shame. The pity.. All that (I've had two suicides in my family). And you really do NOT want them to. My boyfriend also had a suicide in his family, so unfortunately, he GETS that. And sometimes it makes me cry because I don't want anyone to understand that kind of pain and suffering.
So it's kinda, in a way, like that. It would be great to have someone, at your side, who does get it. But it would be a selfish act. It would totally be about you. I am not saying that is what you are doing or anything, I am just saying it would be selfish of us to wish our S.O.s understood our addiction, because the only way they will truly and completely understand it, is to become addicts themselves.
I really like the idea of going to support groups, that the others suggested. At the least, he can learn how to be more supportive of you, learn the right things to say, and mean them, and remember to take care of himself while going through this journey with you.
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