((Krista)) Welcome to SR..I am sorry to hear that you and your family are going through this...addiction is a family disease and affects everyone.
..Al-anon, Alateen and Naranon are wonderful face-to-face support groups for famillies and individuals dealing with a loved one who is in active addiction.
My 25 year old daughter has used for the last 11 years..life was hell for me on that rollercoaster ride of thinking I had any control over her using and more important that it was my job to fix her..
Al-Anon helped me to understand the disease separate from my daughter how to deal with her behavior and how not to enable:
most important...I learned that it was not my job to fix her; that one took a while and and of course I needed to recognize the guilt I was feeling and how misplaced it was, but most importantly the mourning process I went through; the loss of all my dreams for her, and who she used to be, and my expectations of the future...that was difficult and has its own time frame...
All of these feelings were important for me to process, in order to get to the place of being part of the solution, and not the problem. When I saw at one point how I was hurting more than helping, I became determined to learn to detach from her outcome and get out of the way and let her find her bottom, as I realize she would not stop until she did. The detaching part was tough and took time; it went against all my parenting instincts. Al-Anon showed me how to detach with love.
I learned to let go and hand her over to God's care so I could sleep at night.
In this journey, I discovered that I was a codependent and I been in codie recovery ever since and I gratefully thank my daughter for that..
After all these years, it only was a matter of a months after I had learned how to detach unconditionally, that she appeared to shift a little in her behavior...Her realizing that I would not be there anymore to place a soft cushion under her bottom every time she fell, eventually had an impact on her..
Not long after, she went to AA..... and hated it
....sometime later, when she was ready she went back.
It is now a year later, and she has found a home group that is her lifeline, loves AA, has 5 months, is secretary of her home group, and last night chaired her first step group(she volunteered!)
Krista, remember, there is always hope...we support them , love them, but they have to figure it out. My daughter's journey was rough, lived on the street etc., but she finally got to the point where she had , had enough and started to reach out...we don't any control over what they will choose, but if we get out of the way, we are not standing in the doorway that
they need to walk through..We need to let go of the outcome, and that is when we realize there is much we can do.
I spent a lot of time over in Friends and Family forums when I first came to SR, and it was a huge support to me.
This was/is my experience, I hope even a little of it bit will bring comfort.
Prayers for you, your son and your family
