Welcome to SR FinallyAdmitted, my wife is as normal a drinker as one can be that drinks. She will go months with out a drink, and then maybe have one drink, that is it, she could care less if alcohol dissappeared forever so I really have no experience in recovering with an active alcoholic still in the picture.
I do know people in recovery whose spouses are alcoholics, some go to Alanon and AA, others find that AA alone does them just fine in dealing with or leaving an Alcoholic.
[B]"I've never been to an AA meeting yet. I'm still not totally sober."[B\]
The only requirement to be a member of AA is the desire to stop drinking, that is it!
I went to my first AA meeting drunk on my butt, I was not asked to leave, as a matter of fact I was made to feel more then welcome.
I have seen several folks attend AA meetings on a regular basis drunk, you know every one of them were made welcome, and they are sober today as well.
Are you putting of stopping for that last hurrah over the holidays? I spent many years putting it off untli after the next Holiday, birthday, vacation, long weekend, etc. I discovered that the best time to stop drinking is today.
"Perhaps our marriage won't work, but maybe it will."
This is an excellent attitude to move forward with, for me I had to want to be sober more then I wanted any thing else, I have learned that my sobriety has to be the number one thing in my life, I have seen way to many folks in recovery, some with many years of sobriety put some thing or some one else in front of thier sobriety and many times the first thing they losse is their sobriety and the second thing they lose is what they put in front of thier sobriety.